amandaekim

as if things couldn't get any worse

2009-08-03T19:45:50Z

The last 72 hours of my life feels like the hardest 72 hours

I've had in a very long time.

the drive to Sherwood alone felt like forever.

I've never had such bad anxiety in my life

I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest

my legs where going to collapse and i would fall to the floor

the phone call i received at work felt never ending

like the person on the other line wouldn't go away

I knew it was coming I just wasn't sure when.

I know she is in a better place now

but it still hurts

There are so many things i wanted to say to her that

for some reason or another i just didn't

I loved her so very much

Grandma pat i know you are in a better place now

and im sorry for everything i said.

amandaekim @ 2009-06-10T14:10:00

2009-06-10T21:23:16Z

In the last month I’ve really come to see a lot of things.
My life has been very strange and I’m not really sure how to handle it all.
its a bit too much but I mean I have good people in my life right now and I am very thankful for that.

Jessica thank you so much for talking to me today.
I know that we are not on the of terms but it really means a lot to me.
I wasn’t sure who else to call.
but thank you for everything you had to say to me.
It means the world to me more then you will ever know.

I really want to make things right with people I have loss touch with
over the last few months.
I don't like having people mad at me or whatever.
I’ve been friends with most of them for sometime now and I don’t think
a friendship should just be thrown away like that on all of our parts.

I guess you could say I’ve done a lot of evaluating of my life.

But I’m glad I have. I have learned a lot from this little life quest or whatever you want to call it.

Things will look up soon and I know that.

I have people in my life that care about me and that I care about so

Very much and it feels amazing.

amandaekim @ 2009-03-26T10:25:00

2009-03-26T17:23:16Z

Im not even sure how to start this.

this last week has been hell.

Jessica left to go back to puyallup on tuesday.

Blake and jon came down to visit saturday.

Blake and Jacob played a show monday.

Lizz was wasted out of her mind.

I drove to yakima thinking that being with scott would make me feel better, but..

I dont know i mean i knew i would be hanging out by myself while he was at work

but what i didnt think was that he was planning on going out with his friends he see everyday and

leaving me here to hang out by myself.

I mean i understand he is 23 he likes to go out and what not but i drove all the way here by myself

to see him and i feel like the most time we have spent together was right before we went to sleep.

I dont know call me a silly girl or what have you but i just feel like this trip was a waste of my time and money.

Lizz and i are in the mits of looking for a new place and have come up with a great plan that im super

excited for. Everything is working out with that pretty well.

I started my new job as a barista last week and i LOVE it.

I have two job interviews next week and i hope i can get one of them and work two jobs until lizz and i are back up on our feet

She just got two jobs last week and so far so good.

Things can only get better.

amandaekim @ 2009-02-17T20:34:00

2009-02-18T04:31:54Z

things are really starting to look up and i love it.
im out of that awful house full of dumb people and into a better place
im with the two girls i love more than life its self and its wonderful
the last three weeks have been really rough but AMAZING
I have good people in my life now
people that i know would never fuck me over
and i rid myself of all the bad ones that were never even really my friends.
everything is getting better everyday
and i cant wait for whatever is next.
thank you life for being awsome

amandaekim @ 2009-02-12T20:54:00

2009-02-13T04:53:15Z

FUCK ALL OF YOU STUPID FUCKS!

Im sick of you people trying your hardest to bring me down. Im better then that and i know it. So FUCK OFF and DIE. I could really care less about you and your oh so shitty lives. All you people do is try and get as many people you can to listen how awful your life is. SUCK A FAT DICK! IM HAPPY WITH THINGS IN MY LIFE SO LET ME BE PLEASE!

love
Amanda E Kim.

oh and ps.

CORY THIS IS PRETTY MUCH ABOUT YOU!

YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PERSON THAT FEEDS OFF EVERYONE ELSE.
GET YOUR OWN LIFE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO LIVE EVERYONE ELSES LIVES!

amandaekim @ 2009-01-11T22:27:00

2009-01-12T06:27:47Z

SHITS FUCKED.

amandaekim @ 2008-12-10T21:58:00

2008-12-11T06:01:35Z

i miss alot of people that used to be in my life.

there is one person that i wish would just come back around.
i miss him so much
he is the only person in my life that doesnt judge me and sees me for me.

come back

i miss you so much.

the one person that i could call in the middle of the night crying my eyes out
and even though he had to be at work in a few hours and needed his sleep he would talk me

the one person that when my grandma died i felt like he was really there for me no matter when

"i value you more than you will ever know"

amandaekim @ 2008-11-14T19:18:00

2008-11-15T03:26:39Z

Things in the house have gotten much better since amber left
everyone seems to really be getting along which is nice because
at one point we were all ready to kill each other.

I applied to PNCA today I'm working on my portfolio over the next
week or two and i guess we will just see.

Things with me I... well i just feel like i"m stuck
like I'm not really going anywhere or doing anything.
After hearing what my grandmother had to say about my life
I'm really well i guess i don't really now how to take all of that.

I'm missing my grandma marry so much.
I have found myself thinking about her alot
the last week or so and i just miss her so much
She was the one person in my like that
was there for me no matter what
and thought every idea i ever had for anything
was great and would be right there beside me.
She was one of the most AMAZING people in my life
and i just miss her more than anything

amandaekim @ 2008-10-10T21:54:00

2008-10-11T04:58:52Z

so tomorrow is my grandmas funeral is tomorrow
and im having really bad anxiety

it was really hard when she first passed
and i kinda just put it aside and didnt want to deal with it
but tomorrow makes it real
and i know i have to deal with it.

i have a pretty ok support system here but
i would much rather be at home with my family.

there are a few people in my like that i wish
were here for me more then they are but what can you do...

i really hope tomorrow isnt as hard as i think its going to be.

amandaekim @ 2008-09-28T10:20:00

2008-09-28T17:21:58Z

so im really sick and this sucks.

i need a nice long vacation to costa rica

amandaekim @ 2008-09-25T21:48:00

2008-09-26T04:49:57Z

ive only been back to work for a week but it
is taking every last bit out of me.

im not sure that going back to work just yet was
such a good idea
but i need the money
and something to keep my mind off everything

everyday is getting better but yea...
i dont know

amandaekim @ 2008-09-21T11:11:00

2008-09-21T18:18:55Z

things are slowly getting better
i'm not really sure how i'm really taking all of this
but i have the most amazing people in my life
to help me through all of this.

i got home yesterday to a big package on my bed
and flowers on my night stand
i was a bit confused until i opened it
pretty much one of the nicest gifts ever
it put a very large smile on my face

this person is one of the only people here that
i can really open up to
its nice
i can talk about anything and everything
and its great
its good to know that i have someone like him
in my life.
i know that with whatever life tosses at me
he will be there to help me figure it out
and i am the same for him
thank you so much for being such an amazing friend
it means so much to me.
" i value you more then you will ever know"

things in the house could be better but
at this point in time i really dont care
things will fix themselves and i hope it will be soon.

amandaekim @ 2008-09-19T13:57:00

2008-09-19T20:59:57Z

my grandma passed yesterday
pretty much one of the hardest things ever

amber drove me home
and im going to be here till sunday
but im not really sure if i can do that
it is so hard being in the house of me

i woke up this morning thinking everything was
just fine and she was still here

amandaekim @ 2008-09-17T20:57:00

2008-09-18T04:02:14Z

this whole week has pretty much been
so fucking shitty

i went up to my parents to see them and my grandma on saturday.
my grandma is sicker than ever
and it hurts my heart so bad.
she cant even do little things like feed herself
she doest remember who i am or when she needs to go to the bathroom
its truly so sad
i had to leave my parents early because i couldn't handed being there.
worse thing of my life

then i get home to a dirty house
and fighting roommates

this is hell.

i'm truly thinking about moving back home because at this point
i don't know what to do.
everything is falling apart every time i think things are getting better they just
end up in the shit whole
this all sucks

amandaekim @ 2008-09-04T16:11:00

2008-09-04T23:16:08Z

in the last 24 hours my life has been a rollercoater
im not really sure how to feel about anything anymore

i lost a friend of my yesterday at 4 am because of drug dealing
and almost lost another.

josh and seth were dealing drugs and something went wrong and
someone had broken into there apartment and shot both of them
josh died and seth is really lucky to be alive.

i have known them both for a long while and
it hurts my heart so bad to have found this out.

im not really sure how to feel about it
i have yet to cry or really show any sort of emotion about it
but i know it will catch up to me here really soon

since i have been out of high school
more of my friends have passed or gotten themselves in a bad place
then in my whole life.

life sucks
and i hate it

a new start

2008-08-30T05:25:29Z

so we just moved into our new place
its only been a few hours and i am loving it
i can tell this is going to be a great move
its a five bedroom place
and im living with the greatest people on this earth

i'm enjoying my new cafe now
i really like my job there and im getting paid alot more then i was

things have started looking up

although i am pretty sure that charlene and i will no
longer be talking
but really i dont even care at this point
i love the girl to death
but she is a very selfish person
and im very sorry that i even let her in my home
she took advantage of the fact that we were nice people
and let her stay rent free
and how she repays us is to just pack up and leave without saying a word
knowing that she owes us money

but in all im just happy she is gone

things are getting better everyday

amandaekim @ 2008-07-24T23:32:00

2008-07-25T06:34:46Z

so things are going pretty good
i have my three bestfriends living with me
im working in a new cafe about make management which is great

things are going good.

im loving portland starting to really enjoy things
and really seeing things and people for what they really are.

school was really hard and i didnt like it much
but im going to go back in the fall
and keep on trukin

ive gotten to see alot of old faces in the last month and
its been great. kinda strange but nice.

amandaekim @ 2008-06-20T16:27:00

2008-06-20T23:28:08Z

i cant fucking stand addie at all
she is so fucking dumb and just disrespectful and i cant stand it

its all about her and she is a fake bitch

i cant wait to get the fuck out of this hell hole
only i few more days

amandaekim @ 2008-06-16T18:15:00

2008-06-17T01:16:28Z

WE WERE APPROVED!!!

we sign papers tomorrow and move in next week!!!!

i cant wait.

its such a cute little place
im in LOVE!!!

amandaekim @ 2008-06-05T11:17:00

2008-06-05T18:22:00Z

its been three days and i have yet to talk to addie.

im getting really sick of this roommate shit.
its to the point i cant even stand being home when she is here.
she is the most disrespectful person i have ever come in contact with.
she is a selfish drunk and i truly do not respect her anymore.

school starts in just a few weeks for me and im really worried
that living here is going to have a really large impact on my school work.
there is always people over. she is always drunk and i just cant deal with it.
something has to happen soon because this is getting to be a tab bit too much

since being back from the road trip to cali.
all ive wanted to do was go back.
i miss it so much.
all of us girls were so happy and just enjoying life.
i can truly say that was one of the best times.

on another note.
mary is getting sicker and sicker by the day
and it just brakes me heart.
i love that lady to death and it sucks that
this has to happen to someone as wonderful as her.
but she is taking it well and that is great.
but still it just tares me up to know what she has been going through.

im ready for things to start looking up.

amandaekim @ 2008-05-03T22:43:00

2008-05-04T05:50:35Z

fuck everything and pretty much everyone.

there are only a few people in my life that i can say truly care about me

and fuck everyone else that puts on this face like they give a shit.

thats fucking stupid and i cant stand FAKE fucking people.

people are really starting to show their true colors and more and more i cant stand it here

i want so much for our lease to be over so i dont have to deal with all this fucking drama.

its all pointless and a waste of time to me. but for some reason or another people cant seem to pull their heads out of there asses. fuck that!

everyone besides i few people i work with are all a bunch of fake ass people.
and will go nowhere in life.

amandaekim @ 2008-04-28T19:20:00

2008-04-29T02:26:06Z

i want more than anything to just pick up and move
somewhere else.

i hate everything right now.

i want more than anything to feel important to someone
i feel like i spend too much time caring about people that
could really give a shit about me.

i leave for vacation with the three people that mean everything to me
and that care about me in few weeks
and i am so thinkful for that.
i really just need to get away from it all

i hate feeling like im doing nothing and going nowhere.
even though i know i am doing great things for myself.
its just at this time in my life things just have gone so far down hill
i feel like there is nothing i can do to fix it.

i just have to hang in there and hold my head up because i know i can
do this. it just takes time.

i want to just be gone for a while and not deal with anything at all
just have a good time and worry about myself.

so im really really looking forwared for my weeks vacation.

amandaekim @ 2008-04-19T20:35:00

2008-04-20T03:35:43Z

I HATE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE!!!

SOMEONE PLEASE JUST PUT ME OUT!!!!

FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

BESIDES LIKE 5 PEOPLE THAT MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME

amandaekim @ 2008-03-25T16:00:00

2008-03-25T23:02:07Z

life has just been one big rollercoster the last month or two.
but its getting to where i can handle it.

so much has gone on and i dont even know how to
take it all in.

but i know if i just give it time
it will get better

and if wasnt for the bad times the
good ones wouldnt be as good.

but its the getting to the point that sucks

but i have high hopes for everything and i know ill be ok.

amandaekim @ 2008-02-29T10:55:00

2008-02-29T18:58:01Z

the last few days have been great!

this was a well needed trip and im so happy im with my two best in the world.
i love them both so much and i couldnt ask for a better trip.

jessica and i move next weekend and im so happy about that too.
i cant wait.

i love addie and i love jessica so i think its going to work out just fine